A’s for Amnesia, because, with regret, I forgot what I drank when I drank to forget.
B is for Beer, whose sweet comfort I sought; It’s uncomfortable knowing how many I bought.
C is for Cocktail, and, like how they’re made, I’m muddled, and shaken, and not natural shades.
D is for Drinking, my primary vice Now my bloodstream is ten percent Cointreau on ice
E’s for Electrolytes, causing the fog That can only be cleared by a Hair of the Dog.
F is for Finding Myself Tucked In Bed, With the cab ride a memory gone from my head.
G is for Gin, and I had mine with tonic, Now my snoring and belching are quite inharmonic.
H is for Headache, and How Did I Get A tattoo on my arse and a sheep for a pet?
I is for Ice, which, as well as some chips, Are the only near-solids that passed through my lips
J is for Just When I’m On My Way Out, A friend with a credit card yells “It’s my shout!”
K’s Karaoke, and I thought I’d try it From “Khe Sanh” to Kylie, I should’ve been quiet.
L is for Lager, and also for Lout, Said together, descriptive of me when I’m out.
M’s for Mojito, Martini, and more: Margarita, Manhattan, and Me On The Floor.
N is for Nausea, and I’ve little doubt That my insides are liquid, and want to come out.
O is for Oh Dear, I Think I Recall that I danced on the bar with no clothes on at all.
P is for Pissed, and for Pickled, and Pray Pass the Panadol, Please make the Pain go away.
Q is for Quiet! Don’t make such a din, ‘Cause my head feels like something a Rottweiler’s in.
R is for Retching, quite good for the soul; I can work on my abs whilst I’m hugging the bowl.
S is for Sangria, guzzled in Spain, And in quantities injurious to my brain.
T is for Toilet, cool solid and white; The friend I embrace at the end of the night.
U is for Under the Table, and so Now I’m Under the Weather, and moving quite slow.
V is Vodka – they say it doesn’t smell Yet they’ve not whiffed my breath, from the armpit of Hell.
W’s Water, on which I depend, ‘Cause my mouth is as dry as a camel’s rear end.
X marks the spot, they say, where treasure lies, But it marks not these spots here in front of my eyes.
Y’s yesterday, and the words I said then, Which were something like “I’m never drinking again.”
Z is for… for… Oh look, bugger it. Scotch, please.
